Celebrity Justice
Will O.J. Use Rhyming Defense?

"If it doesn't fit, you must acquit" is quite possibly the most quoted courtroom line in pop culture history. And if O.J. Simpson stands trial on the litany of charges he's currently facing in Las Vegas, he might need another clever quip to help keep him out of jail ... yet again.
O.J. Simpson
Although they're not qualified to argue at a jury trial, the good people at Maxim have come up with a list of possible phrases the Juice might use. Our favorites include: "If the items are mine, then what is the crime?" and "If you plunder my riches, I might have to kill some white bitches," and "If you take my memorabilia, I might just have to killia."

Couldn't have said it better ourselves.



Tags: o.j. simpson, O.j.Simpson

Reader Comments

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16. He'll beat the rap again this time.

Posted at 1:07PM on Sep 28th 2007 by - - -

17. That "memoribilia" line was stolen from Letterman.

How about:

OJ Is A Murderer
Give Him The Chair

Posted at 1:43PM on Sep 28th 2007 by Dan

18. there is OJ toast on ebay right now. i'm going to bid on it, just to turn it into crumbs. he needs to be locked up for ever.

Posted at 1:36PM on Sep 28th 2007 by OJ's guilty and Rosie's fat

19. "If they are yours to get...you must acquit!"

"Doing a Vegas crime means you gonna be doing Vegas time"

"If your stuff gets ripped, give the thief some bad mouth lip"

"If you were illegally taped, they must allow you to escape"

Posted at 1:52PM on Sep 28th 2007 by Vegaslawyerman

20. Sorry but I find the one about killing white bitches to be really tacky and offensive. A real person died. A real person had her throat cut from ear to ear. Real children lost their mother. Not funny at all.

Posted at 1:56PM on Sep 28th 2007 by Kate

21. this guys an embarrassment

Posted at 2:46PM on Sep 28th 2007 by www.sugar-shoes.co.uk

22. If the glove doesn't fit with plastic gloves over your hand you must acquit!

Posted at 2:15PM on Sep 28th 2007 by All American Girl

23. Sad to say that this sociopath has kids. But, honestly, I'm one in a long line waiting for some stupid, thoughless preson to do us all a favor and take O.J. out.

Posted at 2:31PM on Sep 28th 2007 by rat-a-tat-tat

24. It always looked to me that the gloves fit--they were just shrunk from being bloodied, no?
luv the rhymes...

Posted at 2:35PM on Sep 28th 2007 by CES

25. His memorabilia reminding him of his prime, he was watching the ceiling, doing time.

Posted at 2:40PM on Sep 28th 2007 by wasted days and wasted nights

26. THIS S.O.B. WALKED ON THE FIRST TRIAL FOR THE MURDERS OF NICOLE & GOLDMAN, BECAUSE OF THE PITTYFULL WORK OF THE DISTRIC ATTORNEY'S OFFICE WHO DID A TERRIBLE JOB.- THEY DID NOT DO THEIR HOMEWORK, AND O.J. HAD THE BEST LAWYERS MONEY CAN BUY.- HE KNOWS HE IS GUILTY, FOR THOSE CRIMES AND WE ALL KNOW IT TOO.- I SURE HOPE THIS TIME HE PAYS HIS DUES !!!!

Posted at 3:54PM on Sep 28th 2007 by edith diaz

27. THIS S.O.B. GOT AWAY WITH THE MURDERS OF NICOLE AND GOLDMAN BECAUSE OF THE PITTYFULL JOB OF THE DISTRIC ATTORNEY'S OFFICE.-THEY NEVER DID THEIR HOMEWORK AS THEY SHOULD HAVE.-
ALSO BECAUSE HE HAD THE MONEY TO PAY FOR THE BEST LAWYERS MONEY CAN BUY. HE KNOWS HE KILLED THEM, WE KNOW HE KILLED THEM.-
I SURE HOPE THIS TIME THEY MAKE HIM PAY HIS DUES !!!!!

Posted at 3:19PM on Sep 28th 2007 by edith diaz

28. It was just a Sting....................the guns where just a Thing....................trying to get my life's Bling, Bling.................no jail for me I am the King................................................................. I know how to do it..............I have been through it...........the guy put me up to it............. my arse was framed into it............All I have to say is I didn't do it.

Posted at 3:42PM on Sep 28th 2007 by Made me Laugh Thanks TMZ

29. I am just going to get UP .....................................and say this was a SET UP

Posted at 3:56PM on Sep 28th 2007 by Made me Laugh Thanks TMZ

30. For all of you that are wishing OJ dead, don't you realized that he's living hell on earth??? What could be a better punishment then to be hated by 95% of the population, probably has to always watch his back. Every step he's takes is critizied and looked at under a microscope. His own family probably thinks he's a murdered. He has to live with the guilty conscience that he brutally murdered two people and everyone knows he did it, but has denied it so much that probably even in his own pysco brain of his he's convinced himself that he's innocent. Trust me his life is nothing but hell like it should be!

Posted at 3:42PM on Sep 28th 2007 by Oj is a killer

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